I decorated the Christmas tree. I think it's beautiful.


I go to Church. I wash the Vicar's hands, notice the choir are wearing flashing earrings and trip over my robe into the organ.


At home, Mum gets over excited opening her stocking and pours coffee all over the carpet.


Granny drinks too much lemonade and is sick everywhere.


Over in Suffolk, Grandma gets drunk, goes crazy and opens everyone else's presents. Dad gives my little cousins party poppers. Edward wants to know what happens when you put a balloon near a candle. Dad puts the balloon near a candle. The balloon explodes and then so does Aunt Winifred.


You can't actually sit on our settee because the Christmas tree pokes you in the head.